Joke Page
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We've gathered these jokes together to give you a chuckle and lighten your day. Enjoy, and remember... the worst time to see a dentist is 2:30!
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A Kid's Parents Are Busy
A salesman calls this house, and the 3-year-old son answers the phone. The salesman asks, "Can I talk to your mother?"
The boy whispers in a very low voice, "She's busy."
The salesman asks, "Can I talk to your daddy?"
The kid whispers again, in a very low voice, "He's busy too."
The salesman then asks, "Is there anyone else there?"
The tot replies in the same quiet voice, "A policeman."
The salesman inquires, "Can I talk to the policeman?"
The boy repeats again, in a low whisper, "He's busy too."
The salesman again questions him and asks, "Is there anyone else there?"
The kid comes back in a whisper, "A fireman."
The salesman then wants to know if he can talk to the fireman.
And once again the tot whispers, "He's busy too."
By now the salesman is really wondering what is going on. He asks the boy, "What are they all doing?"
The little rug-rat replies, still in a very low whisper..."Looking for me."
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Big Trouble
A 6'4'' ninth grader was acting up in class.
His teacher looked at him and said, ''Act your age, not your shoe size''.
The boy looks down at his size 14 shoes, then says, ''But they're the same.''
Bed Time
One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!''
''No. You had your chance.''
A minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?''
''No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.''
''Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?''
And In A Year I'll Be Five
A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground.
"I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.
"So what?" said a little girl. "I'm four."
"Some plants," said the teacher...
"Some plants," said the teacher, "have the prefix, 'dog.' For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Now name another plant prefixed by 'dog'."
"I can," shouted a little redhead from the back row, "Collieflower!"
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A Sunday School teacher said, "We'll now read a chapter in unison." Little Johnny whispered to the kid next to him, "Is unison in the Old or New Testament?"
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It's the first day of school and the teacher told her kindergarten class,"If anyone has to go to the bathroom, you should hold up two fingers." After a moment of quiet thought, Little Johnny asked: "How will that help?"
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Little Johnny's first grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.
"Johnny," she says, "what comes after 'O'?"
Johnny says, "Yeah!"
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Groaners
The lawyer saw a dentist, who removed his tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth. ***************** I don't go to the dentist anymore. I use a mind control technique instead. It's called, "Transcend Dental Medication." ***************** "Dentist, n: A magician who places metal in your mouth and then removes it from your pocket." ***************** A dentist yanked my canine teeth. Now my bark is worse than my bite. *****************
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Jokes
Kids Say the Darnedest Things
An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter.
On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!
Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
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A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
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After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
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A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying as though he were ill, and said. "Johnny what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
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One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said,"Momma, how come all of Grandma's hairs are white?"
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?"
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A little boy opened the big old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, Dear?" asked his mother.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's suit!"